The Conversation Within

Prologue: The Introvert believes that Good or Bad, every person in the world has a conscience, a soul that inspires them to do good, motivates them to never give up and pricks them when it's wrong. Just like everyone, Rudiger Smoot, who is The Introvert's creation, has his own conscience whom he talks to when in dilemma. Anima is the friend who Rudy always coveted. She is what he is afraid to accept and all the thoughts that always stay in his mind. Rudy, writes about one such conversation with Anima in his diary and reveals a part of himself that nobody knows about.

Diary Entry #97: 2nd April

"Two years. 730 days. 17520 hours. 63 million seconds! So much time has ticked away without her" said Anima.

"Yes, that's long! Finally, I will meet her again, and I won't waste a single second." I shut my eyes and tried to picture her, those mischievous eyes, red pillowy lips and hair as black as the devil's heart!  "I wonder how she looks now, maybe more beautiful, or maybe hotter, the gym must have had some effect."

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure she is just as perfect as you want her to be! What will you do if she comes out of that gate, finds you here, runs towards you and hugs you tightly while planting a kiss on your lips??" intrigued Anima. "Haha", I smiled, hoping that would be the case, "Don't you think that's just too dramatic? You have been watching too many romantic films lately Anima! I'm sure whatever happens it will be simple and sweet!"

"Ahh, you're boring! You're hoping she does what I said, but you're just too haughty to admit it, boy!" Anima winked as she replied. I was blushing by what Anima said, but I quickly regained my composure and said sternly, "Let's not get carried away with hopes and dreams, you know how that panned out with the last girl!" The mention of the last girl brought a frown on both our faces.

We didn't want our conversation to head that way, so Anima tried to change the topic with, "So what do you think of this new guy she mentions these days? Do you think there's something between them?" I turned green with envy, and Anima realised that this was worse than the previous topic. "I don't know; I hope not, I get too possessive you know! I just can't share her! I.. I like.. her. A Lot!!" I said hesitantly. "Like her?? Yeah right!", sarcasm was dripping from every word of that sentence. "You're madly in LOVE with her, you idiot!! You had a good chance before, but you were too afraid because the scars of the last one hadn't healed! But now, this is a good opportunity; you should tell her your feelings you know."

Anima had made up her mind to convince me to do this. I was lost, thinking about the consequences of my actions and weighing the pros and cons minutely. "Hey! Where are you? Have you started ignoring me now??" Anima hated it when I phased out. I came back from my simulations, and said grimly, "I can't Anima, I will lose her. I don't want to lose her! Anyways I don't 'Love' her as such.."

Anima gave me the 'you are not as smart as you think you are' look and said, "Then why did you wear your best pair of clothes today? I see you've oiled your hair slick, you're even wearing her favourite perfume, and you spent most of your savings to buy her those gifts!!!" I was thinking of a good excuse, to reply to her, but I was too slow, "It's useless to make up excuses! I know you better than you know yourself!"

I wasn't going to surrender, "Anima, this doesn't mean I 'Love' her, I care for her, and it's been so long, a few gifts will cause no harm, I'm sure she'll love them."
"She'll love them no doubt, after all, you've picked them up with so much 'Love'!" she said teasing me. "Ahh, stop you're ranting about that Anima. It's not going to happen, however much you try." But I wanted it to happen and wanted Anima to coax me a little more.

"Oh God, will you please save me the strength of coaxing you, and just do what you want to do for heaven's sake! You've always loved her, the way you look at her, the things you think about her and the manner you speak to others about her. It's so obvious. I don't know how much more convincing you need; I'm just going to give up! Don't come to me when you miss her and regret these opportunities!" she said this and turned her back towards me angrily.

I knew this was the limit, and I couldn't ask for more from Anima, "Alright! Fine.. I'll do what you're saying.." Anima turned to face me with excitement, "Really?? How are you going to do it?"

"I was thinking, that when she comes out, she'll look out for me, then I'll wave to her. When we finally are face to face, I'll hug her and whisper it in her ear! What do you think?"

"Ohh that's smooth!" she winked at me, "You're a player eh! Hell, I could fall for you!" she mocked. "Ok fine, your sarcasm is killing me." Just then a person came out the front gate, my heart started racing, "Is it her?"

"I can't see her face", Anima was trying to get a better view of the woman. The woman turned, "That's not her, why is she taking so long!" I was beginning to get anxious.

"Chill boy, she isn't going to desert you, she loves you equally. She'll do anything for you." Anima was waiting for my reaction to this. "You think?? I'm not sure. It's been a while now. Maybe before, not now.." my tone had uncertainty mixed with hope. "Look at that big smile on you! Stop smiling like this; people will term you a creep! Look, there's your girl!"

She was wearing a blood red dress. Her skin, not too pale, not too fair was shimmering in the sunlight. She was ethereal, I thought. It was as if two years had multiplied her beauty. I felt embarrassed, as I had grown fatter.

"She's like an angel Anima, and I'm closer to an Ogre! I don't think it's a good idea." Anima too was mesmerised, and she said, "You're right! She is an angel! And you are an Ogre, but you're a cute one, like Shrek! Don't worry, just do what you thought of, and I'm sure you'll not regret it!"

"Ok. For once I'll listen to you. You better go now, I'll speak with you later."

"You do realise 'Anima' means soul right? And I already reside within you."

"Of course I know. You are my thoughts that the world doesn't know about! Ok now go fast!"

"Ok bye! Best of luck!" She vanished from my thoughts; I looked at the girl I was about to confess my love for. I'm so lucky to have met her. I waved at her, she saw me, with a bag in my hand. She walked swiftly towards me, as she came closer she smiled.

I can die in peace now, that smile is my enlightenment. "Focus man! Focus!" Anima whispered. I walked towards her, and was just going to hug her when she put her hand out with an awkward smile and said "Hi Rudy!" I stopped my hug, looked at her, and thought, she's still the same, introverted and shy! I shook her hand, awkwardly and greeted her, "Hi Lucy!"