Showing posts with label insecurities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insecurities. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Flame to Dust, Love to Rust

Prologue: There are seven deadly sins, and "Lust" is one of the most irresistible sins. The Introvert believes every human has been possessed by each of the capital vices at least once in their lives. Lust, however, is a tricky woman, she veils herself as "Love" and seduces you until you become her slave. This post is about Lust between a boy and a girl, how it plays with their minds and makes them believe in a future that doesn't exist.


There was pitch black darkness. There was pin-drop silence in the house. Two bodies lay on opposite corners of the room. Both of them were in a deep slumber, unaware of what fate had planned for them in the future. The boy had been smitten by the girl for some time. There was something different about her, something he hadn't witnessed before in any girl he had been with earlier. He knew she could never be in love, but he had to have her, and he did.
Maybe it was the uncanny aura of that night or something in the coffee they had or maybe just God's will, but he woke up, with the feeling that this day was the last day of his life. In his semi-conscious state of mind, unable to distinguish dream from reality, he could see the world being burnt by mythical flames. He had to do something to save her. She wasn't aware of the perils he could see, and he didn't want her to be harmed. He went close to her, to wake her up. Slowly, he crawled up to where she was sleeping, went up to her face, took a second to admire it, and gently slid the lock of hair over her face aside.
It was like a thunderbolt! Suddenly, he forgot about everything, paying no heed to his illusioned reality. That face was all he wanted to see, he wished to be blanketed with her soft white skin, smothered in her sweet fragrance and those pink lips, the only thing that could quench his thirst. He whispered her name, slowly, almost seductively, bringing her back into his arms. As she opened her eyes slowly, he came closer to her face, and she could feel his breath on him. The urge in her was at its pinnacle; she couldn't stop her carnal desires anymore.
The sexual tension snapped as he kissed her lips. It was slow and soft in the beginning, but gradually as their hormones took over their movements, it became more aggressive. It was an explosion of their bottled passion, wildness, and the emptiness that was left by their past. He grabbed her by the hip, rolling across the room, getting her body on top of his. Her head was hovering over his, long brown hair tickling his face. Their lips never parted, swapping love juices while caressing each other. He started undressing her, first by taking her top off. As he was feeling the soft mounds of her breasts, she moaned his name; he had never heard it said better. With every touch, she was getting turned on. Passion was oozing out of them as if they had been lovers for eons. As he unhinged her lingerie, she helped him with his T-shirt. They hugged almost breaking their ribs. Completely bare, they fulfilled their insatiable lust for each other.
The orgasmic pleasures of the flesh weren't enough for her; she wanted more. He was squeezing every drop of lust from her, satisfying his secret fetishes. Just when they were about to stop, they began it again with renewed hunger. Overtime when their animalistic appetite sobered down, she hugged him as she loved him. He looked at her, not believing what had just happened. He felt happiness surge within him; he kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her lips hoping they could lie like this forever. She rolled her hand over his imperfect curves, salvaging every moment of this night. They talked and wondered what had gotten into them. Tired and confused with many unanswered questions, they dozed off into dreamworld.
When the sun rose, giving birth to a new day, the night had been forgotten. All the emotions were brutally butchered by civilization's boundaries and norms. They questioned their instincts, denying any feeling for each other except pure lust. Love was too sacred for her, and he didn't understand the true meaning of that word. They promised they would never indulge in such injurious fantasies. However, these situations are ideal, and not possible in reality. Because, when nightfall came, the memories of that night came too. Promises were then made just to be broken; they continued this debauchery until they realized the cost they had to pay.
These little sessions they had with each other brought them close, but they also raised expectations from each other. Their relation couldn't be defined by a single word in the dictionary, but soon whatever it was, faded like the memories of a dream. Now she couldn't stand his touch, and he couldn't stand her attitude. The very reasons why they fell for each other became the cause that tore them apart. The same face that made her eyes glow every time she saw them, now appeared loathsome. When I see these two, I remember something I had read, "Death created time to grow the things it could kill". Nobody knows what drove them that night, to take the steps they took, but that night will remind them that some feelings are fleeting and may seem lucratively beautiful, but like all good things in the world, nothing lasts forever. In time, flames always turn to dust and love eventually rusts.

Monday, 27 February 2017

An Odyssey of Discovery


Prologue: The Introvert loves to travel. This note is a description of one of her journey's where she learns 3 important lessons. This journey evinced certain fears and insecurities within her where she learned to confront them only with the help of a unique Teacher.


23 years ago, I was just a child, yet to feel exhilarating success, devastating failure. To fall for someone's eyes and fall from their eyes. To know what I wanted from this world and what this world wanted from me. To feel a million things this life could offer, but never in my wildest dreams, I thought I would feel insignificant. I was naive to believe the absence of something or someone that could trigger such an emotion. That day when I saw Him when He looked down on me, I knew how pathetic my existence had been. All that I had ever achieved seemed frugal. He stood there, with his head high above the clouds looking over everyone, impervious to their achievements. The closer I got to Him, I became more aware, of how small we are in this universe. We might have reached the farthest corners of the galaxy and solved the enigmatic riddles of nature, but however much we tried, we couldn't be as great as Him. The aura he exuded was royal, like no other King and I should have knelt bowing to His Majesty. But I had not embarked upon this journey to kneel; I had come to be His disciple, to learn from Him, to see through His eyes and to understand what I never could.

Lesson 1: The Value
I spent two days under His shadow and the knowledge acquired in those two days cannot be imparted by any man or institution on this planet. The first lesson I learnt was "To value what you have". It's commonly said that you realise the importance of something only after you have lost it, but hidden in those twisting paths, He taught me the value of my life and the presence of my loved ones without making me suffer losses. Trekking those perilous trails, I understood the fright of losing someone. The reasons for my parents' unnecessary worry, the thoughtful calls from my concerned friends and why anyone loved and cared for anyone else became crystal clear to me. I may not be good at understanding the intricacies of emotions, but He taught me that people who genuinely consider you part of their soul, are antagonised by the thoughts of you being in pain. He taught me with examples, and I learnt well. I have been brought up to be strong and independent, so I expected everyone around me to be so too. But He said to me that people are just like little cogs in a big machine, everyone has some gaps in them, to fill those empty spaces, they are dependent on some other cogs. And when those niches are filled perfectly the two cogs can walk hand in hand to fulfil their purpose in that machine.

Lesson 2: The Courage
He challenged me in dire conditions, testing my limits, physically and mentally. Many times in my climb towards His zenith, I felt like giving up. My body didn't have the strength neither did my mind have the will. However, every time I dropped on my knees, accepting defeat, He showed me that I had no choice but to move on. He made me realise that looking behind and bestowing myself with encomiums for getting this far doesn't make me any better than the one who didn't try at all. All He did was show the mirror to me, make me see what I was becoming, A Loser! A Quitter! And every time I saw that face, I was filled with disgust. Ashamed of the fact that I had begun to settle for less, be satisfied with just enough, I stood back on my feet to fulfil my desire to be what He was. That's when I found out, that it is the vitality of our determination which leads us to where our soul belongs. Entities like love & passion don't matter when we don't have the gall to do what we should, to get what we want, to be what we dreamt. The road didn't get easy even with all the verve I possessed, but it never got impossible. I could stretch my boundaries, muster strength from every cell of my body and say, "A little more" to reach His abode.

Lesson 3: The Silence
Hope is a dangerous feeling to embrace. It can make you do the impossible, and also lead you on the path to destruction. It was hope that made the final leg of my journey arduous. The hope of being there with Him filled me with joy, but every time I lost hope, walking away from Him seemed to be the better option. Fate, however, had different plans for me, because when I took those final steps to the abode of the Gods, what I saw was indescribable. It felt like being in another dimension, from where you could see the little world filled with all its devils. This place, where I stood, was pure, untouched by sin or curse. This was where He stood. Alone, aloof from everything and everyone. He spoke to everything around him, the trees, the birds, the clouds and they conversed with him, sharing their knowledge with each other, without uttering a single word. I couldn't understand what was being said. I approached Him to teach me the Language that nature spoke. The Language of the Gods, known as Silence. In that place, being closer to God, I learnt from Him to be silent. This way I spoke to my conscience and got to know Him better. I learnt that in one's life, the fewer the words one uses, the greater the deeds he does. I lived with Him there for a day. As time played its magic tricks, that place began to rub its effects on me. The silence washed away all the knots in my heart. It cleansed me of all that I was before. I felt resurrected. Reborn. He looked at me as a father looks at his newborn child. He smiled idyllically, and slowly began to fade becoming one with that place. He had nothing more to offer. I nodded my head as a sign of appreciation. When I left that place, I left a part of me there. That part of me didn't belong in the world I was going back to; It was too good to be true, too clean to be tarnished and too divine to be human.