Almost

Prologue: Nobody knows when time began and when it will end. Time is infinite. The Introvert believes that it is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, it causes change, and once changed, nothing can be done to revert it back. We all wish that we could change something or the other in our lives, and this post is a story about "He" who wants to challenge time and change something so that "He" can be with "She" till the end of time.

It was a windy December night. The Royce was cruising through the empty roads at 100 kph. He didn't like the air conditioning and asked his chauffeur to roll the windows down. The cold gust blew his thick black hair, and he loved how it danced in the breeze, falling over his face, blurring his vision. His inner child was still mirthful. As the car sped through the highway, he slowly put his hand out, feeling the wind pushing it back. His Rolex glimmering under the street lights, his unbuttoned sleeve flapping freely in the furious wind, beautiful blues playing softly on the stereo, it seemed to be a perfect reason for him to smile. His work and lack of social life had made such occasions rare. The smile faded quickly, as he realised he would be home soon and there would be no one waiting for him. He took his arm in, pulled the windows up, and began to wonder, "If only I would have someone to love, someone who would free me from this loneliness, someone who would love me like her." It was one of those days when he missed her immensely. She always told him that she'd be a call away, but somehow he always disconnected before it would ring. Many times he even expatiated his feelings in a mail, only to add to his drafts. He looked at his watch, a beautiful steel body, jet black dial with the crown logo engraved in gold. There were small diamonds in place of the numerics which amplified the beauty in darkness. This was his favourite watch, it had to be, after all, it was one of the few things she had gifted him. He noticed that the time was of another timezone, so he lazily took it off to correct it. He began rolling the screw backward. He didn't realize that he had spun the screw more times than necessary and continued to do so groggily. His mind was inundated with her memories, the first time he saw her, the first time they spoke, the time she hugged him, the time he fell in love. As he unceasingly spun the hands of the watch backward, everything around him began to rewind.

At first, he didn't understand what was happening, things around him started moving at lightning speed zooming past him in the opposite direction. He saw the sunset and rise many times, and his surroundings were beginning to fade. Slowly everything was becoming a blur, a bright light shining ahead of him, he could barely see or make out what was happening to him. For a moment he was blinded by this flash of white, its intensity at its peak, he shut his eyes to avoid it. When he thought the light had died down, he opened his eyes, only to find himself in a familiar room. He was clinging on to his watch, and the time was the same as it was before he had tried to fix it. He was puzzled by this sudden change of environment and wondered what had happened to him. "Am I dead? Did I meet with an accident? Is this the afterlife?" He was in his pajamas, and his head was throbbing. He got out of the bed to investigate the room. He had been in this room before, it was very familiar, and when he looked outside the window, it dawned on him where he was. "I'm.. I'm in my hostel room! How's this possible? This was many years back!" His eyes bulged as a preposterous idea floated into his mind. He turned to look at the table and saw a laptop. He switched it on, and the numbers on the screen confirmed his fears. He was petrified as the date on the screen was of the past. "I have traveled back in time?? How is it possible??" And the answer was in his right hand. It was the watch. The watch she had given him. His watch had got him to the time when he had fallen for her. "Am I supposed to change something? Is that the purpose of her gifting me such a watch?" At that instant, he felt an uncanny emotion, like he had been given a second chance by the cosmos like they could read his thoughts when he was in the car. "I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life." A tear was trickling down his cheek as he decided to do something that he wished he had done. He slipped into decent attire and bolted out of his hostel.

He knew where he was going; he knew where he would find her at this hour. He sprinted across the library entrance and stopped when he finally found her sitting peacefully reading a book at one of the tables. The morning sun rays seeping through the huge library windows accentuated her sharp features. She was too engrossed in reading to notice him approach her. He sat on the empty seat in front of her, baffled by his presence, she looked up and smiled. He took her hands in his, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, "I'm not perfect, I have these stupid whims that are annoying, I have moods worse than a woman who PMSes, and I don't know what will I be tomorrow, but there is one thing I'm absolutely sure about, and that is not to be alone. I want to laugh and cry with someone, love and be loved by someone. I want to live with someone whom I can't live without. For me that someone is you! I want you to be my beginning and my end. I want to give you all of me. Will you give me all of you?" She was speechless. Amazed by his words she just sat there motionless staring at him. It was unexpected. He was nervous, chiding at himself for such an impulsive decision, his heartbeat reverberating through the empty library. She looked down, and he knew he had made a mistake, a grave one. Then, he felt something wet drop on his hands. She was teary-eyed when she looked up at him, her face radiant with that beautiful smile. "You idiot! I've waited too long for you to ask me that. Yes, I will give you all of me!"

Many years passed, he was still in that Royce speeding through the highway. This time it was different, she was sitting beside him, sleeping with her head lying on his shoulders. The window was down, the stereo playing beautiful blues, but today he didn't need a reason to smile. He was genuinely happy and was looking forward to everything in his life. He still wore that watch; it was his favourite indeed. He wondered if there was anything he would change in his life, but nothing came to his mind. "I am complete," he thought, "She was the missing piece of my puzzle." He kissed her on the forehead and slept as the car glided smoothly past the city.

He was awakened when his Butler opened the door for him. "Sir, your bedroom is ready, do you want anything before you sleep?" He looked around in the car, only to find his coat hanging on his shoulders. She wasn't there by his side. It was only a dream. "I'd like to have something to eat and quick!" he said, menacingly looking at his Butler for bringing him back to this harsh reality. The watch was in his hand, he handed it to his Butler and commanded, "Get this one fixed, there's something wrong with it!" He got out of the car to enter his manor. He threw his coat over the table and rested on a chair before checking his mobile. There was a message from her. This was enough to lighten his mood. He hastily checked the message which read, "Thanks for being there for me today. So happy to see you after so long. Loved the gifts. Goodnight and take care. You know, I'm just a call away" His heartfelt heavy, his throat swelled, he fought hard to keep the tears at bay. He smiled sadly and replied, "Glad you liked the gifts. Hope you have a happy married life ahead!"

The Conversation Within

Prologue: The Introvert believes that Good or Bad, every person in the world has a conscience, a soul that inspires them to do good, motivates them to never give up and pricks them when it's wrong. Just like everyone, Rudiger Smoot, who is The Introvert's creation, has his own conscience whom he talks to when in dilemma. Anima is the friend who Rudy always coveted. She is what he is afraid to accept and all the thoughts that always stay in his mind. Rudy, writes about one such conversation with Anima in his diary and reveals a part of himself that nobody knows about.

Diary Entry #97: 2nd April

"Two years. 730 days. 17520 hours. 63 million seconds! So much time has ticked away without her" said Anima.

"Yes, that's long! Finally, I will meet her again, and I won't waste a single second." I shut my eyes and tried to picture her, those mischievous eyes, red pillowy lips and hair as black as the devil's heart!  "I wonder how she looks now, maybe more beautiful, or maybe hotter, the gym must have had some effect."

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure she is just as perfect as you want her to be! What will you do if she comes out of that gate, finds you here, runs towards you and hugs you tightly while planting a kiss on your lips??" intrigued Anima. "Haha", I smiled, hoping that would be the case, "Don't you think that's just too dramatic? You have been watching too many romantic films lately Anima! I'm sure whatever happens it will be simple and sweet!"

"Ahh, you're boring! You're hoping she does what I said, but you're just too haughty to admit it, boy!" Anima winked as she replied. I was blushing by what Anima said, but I quickly regained my composure and said sternly, "Let's not get carried away with hopes and dreams, you know how that panned out with the last girl!" The mention of the last girl brought a frown on both our faces.

We didn't want our conversation to head that way, so Anima tried to change the topic with, "So what do you think of this new guy she mentions these days? Do you think there's something between them?" I turned green with envy, and Anima realised that this was worse than the previous topic. "I don't know; I hope not, I get too possessive you know! I just can't share her! I.. I like.. her. A Lot!!" I said hesitantly. "Like her?? Yeah right!", sarcasm was dripping from every word of that sentence. "You're madly in LOVE with her, you idiot!! You had a good chance before, but you were too afraid because the scars of the last one hadn't healed! But now, this is a good opportunity; you should tell her your feelings you know."

Anima had made up her mind to convince me to do this. I was lost, thinking about the consequences of my actions and weighing the pros and cons minutely. "Hey! Where are you? Have you started ignoring me now??" Anima hated it when I phased out. I came back from my simulations, and said grimly, "I can't Anima, I will lose her. I don't want to lose her! Anyways I don't 'Love' her as such.."

Anima gave me the 'you are not as smart as you think you are' look and said, "Then why did you wear your best pair of clothes today? I see you've oiled your hair slick, you're even wearing her favourite perfume, and you spent most of your savings to buy her those gifts!!!" I was thinking of a good excuse, to reply to her, but I was too slow, "It's useless to make up excuses! I know you better than you know yourself!"

I wasn't going to surrender, "Anima, this doesn't mean I 'Love' her, I care for her, and it's been so long, a few gifts will cause no harm, I'm sure she'll love them."
"She'll love them no doubt, after all, you've picked them up with so much 'Love'!" she said teasing me. "Ahh, stop you're ranting about that Anima. It's not going to happen, however much you try." But I wanted it to happen and wanted Anima to coax me a little more.

"Oh God, will you please save me the strength of coaxing you, and just do what you want to do for heaven's sake! You've always loved her, the way you look at her, the things you think about her and the manner you speak to others about her. It's so obvious. I don't know how much more convincing you need; I'm just going to give up! Don't come to me when you miss her and regret these opportunities!" she said this and turned her back towards me angrily.

I knew this was the limit, and I couldn't ask for more from Anima, "Alright! Fine.. I'll do what you're saying.." Anima turned to face me with excitement, "Really?? How are you going to do it?"

"I was thinking, that when she comes out, she'll look out for me, then I'll wave to her. When we finally are face to face, I'll hug her and whisper it in her ear! What do you think?"

"Ohh that's smooth!" she winked at me, "You're a player eh! Hell, I could fall for you!" she mocked. "Ok fine, your sarcasm is killing me." Just then a person came out the front gate, my heart started racing, "Is it her?"

"I can't see her face", Anima was trying to get a better view of the woman. The woman turned, "That's not her, why is she taking so long!" I was beginning to get anxious.

"Chill boy, she isn't going to desert you, she loves you equally. She'll do anything for you." Anima was waiting for my reaction to this. "You think?? I'm not sure. It's been a while now. Maybe before, not now.." my tone had uncertainty mixed with hope. "Look at that big smile on you! Stop smiling like this; people will term you a creep! Look, there's your girl!"

She was wearing a blood red dress. Her skin, not too pale, not too fair was shimmering in the sunlight. She was ethereal, I thought. It was as if two years had multiplied her beauty. I felt embarrassed, as I had grown fatter.

"She's like an angel Anima, and I'm closer to an Ogre! I don't think it's a good idea." Anima too was mesmerised, and she said, "You're right! She is an angel! And you are an Ogre, but you're a cute one, like Shrek! Don't worry, just do what you thought of, and I'm sure you'll not regret it!"

"Ok. For once I'll listen to you. You better go now, I'll speak with you later."

"You do realise 'Anima' means soul right? And I already reside within you."

"Of course I know. You are my thoughts that the world doesn't know about! Ok now go fast!"

"Ok bye! Best of luck!" She vanished from my thoughts; I looked at the girl I was about to confess my love for. I'm so lucky to have met her. I waved at her, she saw me, with a bag in my hand. She walked swiftly towards me, as she came closer she smiled.

I can die in peace now, that smile is my enlightenment. "Focus man! Focus!" Anima whispered. I walked towards her, and was just going to hug her when she put her hand out with an awkward smile and said "Hi Rudy!" I stopped my hug, looked at her, and thought, she's still the same, introverted and shy! I shook her hand, awkwardly and greeted her, "Hi Lucy!"